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Psycho Phox's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
Psycho Phox

[ website | Yard Trex ]
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dream [16 Jul 2009|09:01am]
(09:00:04 AM) trentrdragon: i see.
(09:00:35 AM) kwirbx: i had a dream where i was in highschool
(09:00:38 AM) kwirbx: and it was friday
(09:00:47 AM) trentrdragon: i miss high school... and fridays
(09:00:48 AM) kwirbx: and i wanted to check myself outta school
(09:00:59 AM) kwirbx: because i had 2 weeks vacation left
(09:01:36 AM) kwirbx: and i was in a computer class discussing stepping versions of processors
(09:01:56 AM) trentrdragon: ahh yes... frequent discussions of young lads in high school
(09:01:57 AM) kwirbx: then when I got home there was a blizzard
(09:02:11 AM) trentrdragon: a common occurance indeed
(09:02:14 AM) kwirbx: and the house i lived it wasn't very well defined
(09:02:20 AM) kwirbx: the only thing i really remember was the door
(09:02:28 AM) trentrdragon: var theHouse = ....?
(09:02:29 AM) trentrdragon: lol
(09:02:30 AM) kwirbx: that led outside
(09:02:32 AM) kwirbx: yeah
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dream with bullets [05 Jun 2009|09:54am]
I don't remember why but I think I was trying to either kill or save someone? Some dignitary or something. I think it was a girl. I remember being sad for her being dead. I was supposed to "take care" of the body but was found out. I remember waking up being badly injured. Lotsa bullets. My mom was there. She carried the body and began to heal her. I don't remember if she was able to bring her back. I didn't want her to see my wounds. I was ashamed at what I had done. I removed the bullets from my face so that I could speak properly.

Imagine a platform, like a deck or pier. That's what we were standing on while my mom was trying to revive her. The buildings looked similar to a college campus but somehow felt disconnected and unrelated to where I was standing. There was a lot of mud running under the platform. You could see the mud between the wooden slats. I don't remember why that was important. I remember thinking how badly it would suck had I fallen in the mud somehow. Then I thought, "maybe I have fallen in the mud and I'm dying right now."

Then there was the dream about my little brother and his monster truck and how some girl wrecked it.
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dream that involved colors and mirrors [31 May 2009|06:29pm]
I had this dream where I was at this strange cartoonish magical town. The inhabitants were a mix of people and animals. My roomie John was there too. He had a camera. Morgan was there too. She wanted to play a hide and seek game. John took her picture by her request. She then ran deeper into the town, out of view. John and I didn't think anything of it and began exploring the town. One house at a time, he knocked on the doors and the friendly townsfolk answered. They were very friendly and happy to look at the picture of our friend in order to determine whether or not they had seen her pass by. We decided to split up and start knocking on doors on the opposite sides of the street.

I knocked on the next door while John made his way to the other side. The hippo cautiously opened the door, then slammed it shut. I walked to the next house. The lady yelled from behind the door after checking her peephole, "Go away." Variations on this theme carried on for the next couple of houses. I had to call John over and have him knock on the doors to see if they would open it for him. They did. It felt strange, as if there was something legitimately wrong with just me. I entered the hippos house against her will and noticed there were a lot of mirrors...and that sometimes there were more objects being reflected in these mirrors, than what really existed. Imagine looking into your bathroom mirror, and seeing other people, along with your own image, staring into your eyes.
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france [14 Apr 2009|09:03am]
had a dream that I was in France with my roomie and a trustworthy guide. I think the first place we went was a movie theater. I remember there being a part in the money exchange that was in French...and that I knew that the lady at the ticket counter was talking about me in French to her friend. Then of course, things get murky...bad murky I wanna say. I remember feeling alone near buildings that didn't really make sense. I couldn't tell if they didn't make sense because I was in France or because they were dream buildings.

I remember specifically being told that 4 years was enough time to learn the language.
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the office [10 Mar 2009|04:33pm]
Haven't watched it in forever. Would feel wrong to watch it alone.
1 comment|post comment

ohmagah [04 Feb 2009|10:17pm]
"You need to energize you bunny"

That is all.
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my understanding of people and masks [02 Feb 2009|12:07am]
Seems like my understanding of people in general always fluctuates. Suppose it should though. Some people are pretty transparent with their lives. Well, transparent with the masks they wear. I think there are people who honestly don't have one but I can't really prove anything like that. It's just kinda one of those things where you just assume people like that exist for the sake of a mask being relevant.

I sense this aura about people sometimes. Maybe it's really more observation than anything else. I know when I'm going to be able to be friends with certain types of people. I avoid the people that irritate me unless it's required of me. For safe measure, I avoid the middle ground for the most part. I guess you could call the middle ground the "people that are nice, but..." people. Too much effort for very little to show for it. Also there's a lack of loyalty to contend with.

Here's what the problem lies. There is also a category of people who have masks, similar to mine(or at least what I assume is similar to mine), that perhaps I might be able to connect with in some way. Presumptuous to assume something like right? Anyway. In meeting people like this, I can't help but find myself obsessed with the idea that they can be "figured out" in some rough way as to ascertain some sort of pattern of behavior. The idea though, is to do it with as little actual behavioral witnessing of cause and effect meaning, doing this by predicting behavior based on just information about a person.

So far, I've found I'm not very good at it but I've noticed somethings. Ever have the answer to something, but not be able to explain what your reasoning behind it? Well that's completely unrelated to the topic anyway. I've noticed that the people in question typically assume that you have no concept of what their lives consist of other than what they show you via their masks and assume you were born yesterday. I admit, assuming my observation is correct, that specifics to the mask may be hidden to the point that the only thing you know about them is that they exist which is understandable.

I've also noticed that usually they're unconcerned with anything I maybe hiding behind my mask. Maybe it's because the stuff their hiding is "MOAR IMPORTANT" or maybe because they see me as one of those people that don't have a mask. Maybe I have a mask and I just don't wear it usually. Maybe that's the way all people are and the only difference is how long they choose to wear their mask and how translucent it is. Anyway, it's more likely that I actually don't understand and can't actually empathize with their lives. It's annoying that it's almost like a game of who's suffered the most tragedy. It's about as annoying as people who solve their problems by finding a friend/person to agree with them as if somehow that is ultimate proof that they are not being unreasonable or a douche bag. Don't you agree? Please say yes :(

bleh. I feel like I can't honestly say the things I want to people like that. The "truth" is such a blunt instrument for people with fragile psyche. If you absentmindedly pound away using such a tool, you run the risk of getting shut out completely. If you don't show enough concern, the same thing happens and you become just one of those people that only get to see the mask on the most superficial level. How exactly do you strike that balance? Perhaps time, luck, and sometimes perseverance? I'm gonna go with pure luck on this.

Anyway, on a side note, there was a friend that I used to have that fit in the first category of "Definite best friend material" that I used to know. Worst feeling in the world when that bond is eventually rejected out of . I refuse to believe that I was wrong about that person till this day.
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movie idea [30 Jan 2009|11:06am]
Make a movie where the guy dies, programs a computer with answers to questions, gives it to now widowed wife or whatever, plot thickens.
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dreams [02 Jan 2009|10:47am]
earthquake. I think I was in a relatively small city. I knew that I lived on the 3rd floor of some building. I walked downtown...then the ground started shaking. I couldn't keep my balance. In the distance, a building began to wobble violently. I could tell that it was a very old rust colored brick building and that it wasn't built when more stringent architecture/engineering protocols were in place. It was the first time I had ever witnessed something so dramatic. At first, it was actually kind of exciting but the rumbling never stopped. Other buildings, newer buildings, began to fall. I began to worry for my safety. Running was hard since the world was moving. The whole nightmare running-in-place thing kicked in. The falling buildings were making there way towards my location but I wasn't worried. I knew that earthquakes didn't last very long. Somehow I knew it would be over soon. It wasn't.

killer waves of enemies and a supply of weapons with no ammo. Imagine sitting a small child's bedroom with your ex girlfriend. Now picture twin beds surrounded by water an inch deep. Next, know that weapons and bad guys flow under the door (which is closed) though the gap at the bottom. That was that dream...except it was more of a nightmare due to the difficulty of the robots/clowns that we had to fight. Oh, and there was definitely a part where "they" were generous with the weapons actually. Like, by looking at them, I knew they were the fully upgraded shotgun and MK etc. I remember there was a part where a robot came in (yes in the water) and scanned the room, but since we were sitting still, it didn't see us. We had to go for some of the more powerful weapons in the room which didn't seem like much of a feat within itself since the room was incredibly small, but the robot was the sorta one hit kill type of robot so we couldn't just reach over and grab em. I don't remember exactly what happened, but somehow i managed to get the shotgun and pulled the trigger. Click. No ammo. We were given weapons with no ammo. I actually managed to run out of the room but there was some sort of clown thing chasing me. Its weakness was water but by that time all the water stopped flowing. I had one bucket of water stashed in the room. I eventually ran around the house back to the room where it jumped my ex (most recent one). I grabbed the bucket and poured it on the clown and it stopped moving...then it revived, so i poured the rest of it on him...it got back up again. I remember thinking, "there isn't anywhere I can get enough water quickly enough to kill him..."

A dog bit my finger and It almost killed me. I remember being asleep one moment, then having a very paralyzing pain the next. What started out as a dog licking my finger, exploded into a full blown assault...on my finger. I remember the dog injecting me with venom. I tried to yell for help but only an inaudible whimper came out (at this point I was between waking up and being asleep. I probably tried to yell for help literally and the feeling that I was paralyzed was probably because...I was...which happens when you sleep to keep yourself from flailing or hurting yourself. I think the dog let go or something. Yeah, idunno. I remember getting up and telling the owner of the dog that I was definitely gonna kill the damn thing.

Part of a dream where Jones and I are driving down the road for some reason. He stopped in front of a purple house, but didn't bother getting off the road. There wasn't a drive way and both road lanes went the same direction. He carried out 5 or 6 bags of...stuff and went inside while I waited in the car. I can't remember if I asked to come or not, or if he insisted that I stay in the car. Anyway, Jones exited the house after a few tense moments with me and the driver behind me (he started nudging the car). Lo and behold Travis was with him and he was wearing a purple pimp outfit. Don't remember the rest. Work > all
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... [29 Dec 2008|11:07pm]
Why did I have to find out the secrets...
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welp [06 Nov 2008|02:35pm]
Bout time for another drawing.
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dream [16 Jul 2008|09:09am]
she showed me a picture that didn't exist in real life but it made sense in the dream.
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dreams [04 Jun 2008|08:49am]
Why do i keep having dreams where i'm teamed up with Morgan Freeman?
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lena and her job [02 Jun 2008|05:23pm]
I had a dream that she called me to tell me that she had a job in America. So, I go to New York and she exlplains to me that her job is to restore famous paintings for $30 an hour. I had to explain to her how direct deposit works. We then parted ways.

What the hell. lol.
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im more human than a touring test [30 May 2008|01:51pm]
Session Start (kwirbx:ArmoredSalmon): Fri May 30 13:26:55 2008
[13:26] ArmoredSalmon: Wait, is this a leap year?
[13:26] *** Auto-response sent to ArmoredSalmon: I am currently away from the computer.
[13:27] kwirb x: yeah
[13:27] ArmoredSalmon: ....yes?
[13:27] kwirb x: it is
[13:27] kwirb x: febuary had 29 days
[13:28] kwirb x: so yes it's a leap year
[13:28] kwirb x: why do you ask
[13:28] ArmoredSalmon: I didn't, you did
[13:28] ArmoredSalmon: ArmoredSalmon: Wait, is this a leap year?
MattB345: ....yes?
ArmoredSalmon: it is
[13:29] kwirb x: [13:26] *** Auto-response sent to ArmoredSalmon: I am currently away from the computer.
[13:27] kwirb x: yeah
[13:27] ArmoredSalmon: ....yes?
[13:29] kwirb x: oops
[13:29] kwirb x: [13:26] ArmoredSalmon: Wait, is this a leap year?
[13:26] *** Auto-response sent to ArmoredSalmon: I am currently away from the computer.
[13:27] kwirb x: yeah
Session Close (ArmoredSalmon): Fri May 30 13:30:33 2008


Session Start (kwirbx:ArmoredSalmon): Fri May 30 13:31:30 2008
[13:31] ArmoredSalmon: odd
[13:31] *** Auto-response sent to ArmoredSalmon: I am currently away from the computer.
[13:34] kwirb x: ineed
[13:35] kwirb x: indeed*
Session Close (ArmoredSalmon): Fri May 30 13:35:03 2008


Session Start (kwirbx:ArmoredSalmon): Fri May 30 13:35:08 2008
[13:35] ArmoredSalmon: this is alicia, right?
[13:35] *** Auto-response sent to ArmoredSalmon: I am currently away from the computer.
[13:35] kwirb x: nope
[13:35] ArmoredSalmon: hmmm
[13:35] ArmoredSalmon: I wonder who you are then ?.?
[13:35] kwirb x: dunno, just some guy
[13:36] ArmoredSalmon: yeah, sometimes aim does spazzy stuff like this
[13:36] kwirb x: happend to me like 3 months ago also
[13:36] ArmoredSalmon: I think I recall that
[13:36] ArmoredSalmon: aparantly aim has decided we should be friends
[13:36] ArmoredSalmon: so here, enjoy (Link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=EupikPl_PW4)http://youtube.com/watch?v=EupikPl_PW4
[13:37] kwirb x: lol interesting
[13:40] kwirb x: i see, so you do this all the time
Session Close (ArmoredSalmon): Fri May 30 13:41:29 2008


Session Start (kwirbx:ArmoredSalmon): Fri May 30 13:41:32 2008
[13:41] ArmoredSalmon: do what?
[13:41] *** Auto-response sent to ArmoredSalmon: I am currently away from the computer.
[13:41] kwirb x: i just googled your screen name. several people have had this experience with you
[13:42] ArmoredSalmon: really? that's odd
[13:42] kwirb x: reminds me of a touring test
[13:43] ArmoredSalmon: hmmm, I don't see it when I google it
[13:43] ArmoredSalmon: makes me wonder if then -you- are the machine
[13:44] kwirb x: ah, so you know what a touring test is
[13:44] ArmoredSalmon: indeed
[13:45] kwirb x: so, what are your limitations
[13:46] ArmoredSalmon: I can communicate until I consume too much bacon and have a heart attack
[13:46] kwirb x: w ha t a b ou t ba!c!on?
[13:46] ArmoredSalmon: now you're just being silly
[13:47] kwirb x: wh-a t di d i j! us! sa!y th e n?
[13:47] ArmoredSalmon: hehe, anyway, nice talking to a fellow computer, see you around
Session Close (ArmoredSalmon): Fri May 30 13:48:28 2008
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comcast is retarded, ill clean it up later [30 May 2008|01:21pm]
Rochelle.26922(Fri May 30 14:07:26 CDT 2008)>We have here on June 3, Tuesday, between 1pm and 4pm. Wil that work for you, Julian?

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:11:44 CDT 2008)>nothing sooner?

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:12:08 CDT 2008)>i vpn from home so its kinda important for me to have internet

Rochelle.26922(Fri May 30 14:08:09 CDT 2008)>That is the soonest date that I can possibly book you, Julian.

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:12:30 CDT 2008)>ok

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:12:43 CDT 2008)>if they are late though do i get free installation or something?

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:13:04 CDT 2008)>because i've never had a cable company come within their set time

Rochelle.26922(Fri May 30 14:09:27 CDT 2008)>If you want I will book you with this schedule then you call the local office 1-800-Comcast and request for a sooner date.

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:14:05 CDT 2008)>i have a feeling they'll just tell me the same thing

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:14:27 CDT 2008)>because that doesn't make any sense. If you can't do it, there's gotta be a reason why you can't

Rochelle.26922(Fri May 30 14:10:18 CDT 2008)>What I can do Julian is to note here for the technician to come on time.

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:14:44 CDT 2008)>lol well aren't they supposed to do that anyway?

Rochelle.26922(Fri May 30 14:10:53 CDT 2008)>They are supposed to, Julian.

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:15:30 CDT 2008)>what happens if they're late

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:15:46 CDT 2008)>don't say nothing. because i'll cancel this

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:16:17 CDT 2008)>little tired of companies just doing whatever they want because they have a monopoly

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:16:38 CDT 2008)>if im late for something, there are consequences

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:16:59 CDT 2008)>so anyway

Rochelle.26922(Fri May 30 14:13:30 CDT 2008)>Julian, your monthly fee will be $69.00 including the modem rent.

Rochelle.26922(Fri May 30 14:13:44 CDT 2008)>Your one-time install fee will be $ 70.94. This will be due during the installation time via check to our technician. Will this be alright with you?

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:18:11 CDT 2008)>if hes late, then i wont be handing him anything

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:18:18 CDT 2008)>is that ok with you?

Rochelle.26922(Fri May 30 14:14:22 CDT 2008)>Yes, Julian.

Julian_(Fri May 30 13:18:39 CDT 2008)>done deal then
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gaurdian gone wrong [27 May 2008|08:21am]
Apparently a long, long time ago, there were these gaurdians. They helped the familes watch over the children of vampires and the like. One day, however, one of the more permiscuous vampire gaurdians was under the spell of a particularly beautiful gaurdian. She asked him a simple favor. She wanted him to knick her cheek with one of his powerful fangs before she went to sleep. He did, and thus started a very tragic and dangerous thing.

There was a reason gaurdian blood a the vampire blood never mingled. The end product was an unstoppable machine of revenge. Gaurdians did not like being the servants of vampires and the like.

The gaurdian fell to the floor and began convulsing. At first, nobody in the room gave her a second glance. It had never happened before, still, if a gaurdian died, the family could just get another. These were not death throws unfortunately. It was the beginning of what was to become a power that could not be stopped, only controlled.

When the gaurdian came to, she had all the strengths of a vampire and gaurdian and none of the weaknesses. In fact, the power was amplified. She killed nearly everyone in the room with a brutal rage not yet seen before even for them. The only one to escape her wrath was the child she was supposed to gaurd, and the father, as he was very powerful.

Which brings us to the present...a time were all gaurdians are now extinct save one. It is that very one from so very long ago. She is chained in a house where a powerful vampire family watches over her, making sure she doesn't escape.

more for later

She is escorted back into the house. I begin to close the glass door behind her. She smiles at me, flicks a small brass object to the top of her foot, and slings it through the glass. I happend to see it coming and duck to the side. I happened to see it coming, yet still managed to get hit. I happened to see it coming, and yet it still hurts. I dreamed of what I would do to her if I were stronger but even then, I'm never strong enough. Not even in my own dreams.
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To coin a new phrase [05 May 2008|11:53am]
Idunno what it is but I'm sure I can get the phrase, "pulled a tetris," or "got yourself in a tetris situation," out there. This is what I mean by tetris: You know when you get that piece that just doesn't fit anywhere and you sit and brood about how this is just gonna muck things up? Well, usually, people tend to not admit theres a problem and just make things worse when you could've controlled the damage. Now instead of having one open space, you have 5 and an awkward setup for your next pieces. Translate that into real world situations and you have yourself a tetris situation. I should get a nobel peace prize.
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rigid mind [01 May 2008|09:56pm]
So let me tell you about him. It's interesting how his mind works. Right now he's operating completely on subconscious impulses yet he seems perfectly conscious, despite the dazed look in his eyes. Look at him. So confident and fluid in his logic, probably more so than he is when he's fully conscious. I wonder if he feels rested when he wakes up?
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panel [27 Apr 2008|09:40pm]
I've decided that every door locking control panel on the starship enterprise is a piece of rubbish. Every single one of them can be pried off by hand and hotwired to open the door. My 91 miata has a more robust solution than technology centuries ahead of time.
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